ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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