sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
