my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
