the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
