Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They took my balls.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
