It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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