if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
