Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
