I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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