I think I won the penis lottery.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
