remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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