On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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