I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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