ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
