But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
