i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
