I wish I could teleport
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize