She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
