Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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