remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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