Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
