what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have feelings that need drinking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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