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forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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