so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
