It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
not ubering you a puppy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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