I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize