I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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