Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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