two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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