I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
