Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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