I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
