God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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