Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize