is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
