if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
