should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
