matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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