I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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