am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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