pop tarts are not kleenex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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