She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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