Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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