he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
