thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He better not be in your backpack
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
