i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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