somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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