i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
