i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
