just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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