Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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