I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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