'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
