I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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