Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
