You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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