i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're too hungover to prance.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
