remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he puts the penis in happiness.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
