you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
