we're blogging at a bar
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
