wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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