He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
now i know why i became what i already was.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
