Having a random hookup so left but love u
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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