My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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