sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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