Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
