textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
