you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
